A love for one person can be as deep as a well but can never be seen. Someone that knows what you want to say without ever having to say it. Someone who makes your heart beat faster and slower at the same time. Someone you can't stop think about and someone that returns the feeling. When you have a billion things to say and you can say is 3. Someone who can fix your heart when it is broken, someone help you when your cold and alone. A person who you see everday in the halls or in a place that can make you not notice them intill their gone. Someone who says the right things at the right times. A perosn to turn to. Someone who can pick you up when you fall, someone who can make you feel tall even when your small.
I screamed to god for help because I felt even the slightest doubt that I couldn't make it down the rout of where I was supposed to be.. I felt I need to flee and be free with all that held me..I didn't wanna show the real me, and let everyone judge me.. So I tried to take the easy way out, but all it lead me to was doubt so now I have to shout to tell god I want back out into the world. Even if I did feel like there was drought in my thearst for the holy spirt and all its glory. I still wanna be in its presence.. So I am telling you this story so you will know how to make it out even if you don't know the rout, I am telling you your free to flee with out no doubt....
"Jesus"
(picture on the left) These eyes might look cold and colorless, you make think its just a picture and nothing more well these eyes are stareing right into your soul seeing all the good and bad, seeing what you have seen. Now, what do you think he sees in you?
"Angels"
(picture on the right) Just because you can't see, hear, or feel them doesn't mean that there not right there behind or next to you watching over ever move ou make or every fall you take,because when you all you always know that your not the only one that say that fall and felt that pain...
I feel like this :UGLY you'll never get a man, no one wants a FAT GIRL, don't eat that, BAD girl you're DAMAGED, NOT skinny enough, FUCKED in the head, NO ONE wants you, You think to much, You're to independent, You would be so much better if you like her.... I can't stand people laughing at me. So I cut, I cut of my legs with a razer blade girls use to shave their legs, I many cuts on my upper thy legs and there are scares.. I can't get a boyfriend and people ask me why.. I just want someone to love me. I dare to be different. People think they know me but all they know is the person I pretend to be.. People think I am always the cherriful good little girl not doing things wrong. But what they can't see is me hurting inside. I have to hurt my self because i can't get anyone to see me hurting in any other way, because I am never usually mean and I can't really speak my mind afraid to hurt someone I just stand hurting inside suffering wanting to say something but not able to get it out, because i want to scream and shout. Tell the world that i have doubt on making it through anyother night. I wake up and I don't wanna get up because the world sucks so much i don't want to face it I am alive but not living. If i could just stand here I would and just let the world pass me by. When I cut I see the blood and it makes me want to see more blood, to see how fare I can go without killing myself completely. I always wonder if I died would anyone come to my funeral, would anyone give me a second or prayer? Its also like when I get sick i don't take any medicine because i want to get worse I want to get to the point when people actually show emotions to me other than laughter at me... Please if you want to talk to me you can e-mail me at h0lly3@yahoo.com, or stephanie_do_or_die@yahoo.com.... feel free to tell me your stories. I am a good listener. And beleive I understand I might not have gone through the same thing as you but I am not one to critize you on anything, and remember i am on your side....Love, Stephanie
I can't take this anymore and I'm pretty sure I have been here before... I can't take this any longer I won't heal until I am stronger, strong enough to not be afraid of what anybody thinks of what anybody says about the way about the way I am so i'll wait until the day when those feeling fade away...Then i'll make my break...
This is what the message that plays in my head over and over again:
UGLY you'll never get a man, no one wants a FAT GIRL, don't eat that, BAD girl you're DAMAGED, NOT skinny enough, FUCKED in the head, NO ONE wants you, You think to much, You're to independent, You would be so much better if you were like her.
understanding that I am not perfect,
understanding I won't always make you happy,
understanding that I can't live without you.
Standing here
waiting for you to love me,
waiting till the end of time till you come into my arms.
waiting till you realize that I love you.
Standing here
watching you walk away from me,
watching all my dreams getting crushed,
watching everything I wanted, go out the window.
Standing here
feeling like a fool,
feeling so alone,
feeling like theres no one here beside me even this place is full of people.
Standing here
thinking you will know how much I need you,
thinking you will turn and look at me,
thinking you will feel my pain.
Standing here
wondering maybe you will understand,
wondering maybe you will feel hurt too,
wondering maybe this might be a lovestory like in a movie and you will come back....
...........................................................................................................................
I had a dream of a guy falling in love with me, He was everything I wanted him to be, romantic, sweet, careing, sense of humor, and most of all he loved me for me, he didn't care how I looked when I would wake up in the morning he would tell me, I didn't need to change my cloths, didn't need to put on make up, and didn't need to do my hair. He said he really didn't care, and that he loved me. I could look over at him and he be staring at me, and then he would smile when he saw me seeing him looking. I woke up with out a sence of life,
the pain of heart ache put a
hole in my heart once again today.
Another lonely morning without him by my side
in the shine of the sunlight.
It was dark when I awoke from a dream
that had seemed to be heaven, but
once again it faded and he left
with the key to my heart. A tear slowly crept from
my eye and rolled slowy down my nose and hit the bellow with a sound that made my heart shoot with pain.
I thought maybe today I would awake
to a day in light but as the dark slowly faded,
I looked out side and it was cloudy
and uncertain of the next day to come.
Unwanting to wake up enough to forget
the dream I tried to close my eyes again,
but like the other mornings when I fell
into a dark sleep the dream was lost in the world
of dreams.
If I had to fill a jar of my dream boy dreams
I could fill it a million times but still holding
the pain of that it just being a dream and
nothing more. Its a heartbraker of a dream for it not to be true and for it to be as good as it was for it to fade away from
me at the moment I open my eyes.
-Stephanie
Do you laugh because I am sit and not talk in class?
Do you laugh because I am poor?
Do you laugh because I am stupid?
Do you laugh because my make-up doesn't look good?
Do you laugh because sometimes I fall or trip?
Do you laugh because I have to wait for the teacher to assign me a partner because noone ones to be mine?
Do you laugh because I am different?
Is it to hard to wave/say hi to me, is it to hard to write me a note, is it to hard to smile at me when i smile at you, is it to hard for you to try and get to know me before you judge me?
All of your friends are jealous and you know it. The boy is some romantic, he always can make a rose appear out of nowhere just to cheer you up. He often says you're his angel and always knows how to make you blush a dark shade of red.
STOP!!!!!!!! REad what i am wright because anything coming off my hands or lips its for real.
I bleed like you, I sheed like you, what makes you laugh when I cry just like you?
"Jesus"
Standing here crying without you.
